...another bear story

I know a woman here in Bear Valley who has made it clear to me that I am never to invite her to church. I have not asked her why for I do not really want to hear the answer.  She is, however a Christian. ...and here is how it happened: When she and her husband lived in a nearby farming community they lost their first child by crib death.  A Christian school teacher who lived down the road from them came to give her caring love and placed in her hands Dr. Harry Ironside's Commentary on the "Book of John".  She read it and dropped to her knees and asked Christ into her life. ...then she bought all sixty-five of Dr. Ironside's other Bible Commentaries.  I asked her: "Do you have a Bible?"  "Oh, no, I just read Dr. Ironside's Commentaries and talk to God every day."  That'll work! ...then she said: "...but you probably don't know who Dr. Ironside is."  I responded: "Oh yes I do. When I was a very new Christian Billy Graham invited him to come to speak for chapel at Northwestern Bible College where Billy had planted me."

In Heaven we will meet ever so many who are "un-churched". ...or are they? God's definition of "church" is much more broad than many Christians think.  Millions of people are meeting in cells in homes,  schools, garages, under trees,  in underground caves, in filthy jails. ...wherever two or three are gathered together.  There are no seminary-trained pastors but there are untold numbers of people who are being equipped by the Holy Spirit to do the work of the ministry.   God and His Word are in their midst: sometimes with only one or two verses written on a scrap of paper.  This kind of "church" may seem less visible because there is no building,  but the Living Christ is very visible through the Light in the believers as they infiltrate Satan's dark world.

When we were in Houston a pastor came to our office and asked if we would like to be a legitimate ministry by coming under the umbrella of his church where there were elders to whom we could be accountable.  Gentle Ted reminded this pastor that he, this pastor had just received his Doctoral degree from a seminary and asked if that seminary was accountable to the elders of his church. "Uhh...well, no."  Then gentle Ted replied: "Our ministry,  Family Life Resources is a government-sanctioned tax-deductible training school for teaching Christians to 'go and make disciples'.   We have a fine Board of business men, an astronaut, the District Attorney of Harris County, and an attorney and a gentleman who is running for Senator.  They and their wives are all in ministry in their large spheres of influence.  We meet in small groups all around our city. ... but thank you for your kind offer."  The pastor left, unconvinced that we were a legitimate ministry.

...back to Dr. Ironside. When he came to our chapel at Northwestern he told us a story about his three children, raised in Chicago where there are long months of freezing cold weather, preventing them from playing out-of-doors.  Often his children played "hide and seek" in their three story-with-attic large home.  One time Harry, now the dad and not the professor/scholar hid in the attic.  His children searched and searched throughout the three lower floors, not wanting to venture up into the scary, dark attic to find their daddy. ...but one did:  his little girl.  I think her name was "Marian".  He saw her come through the door, looking around with wide eyes, ready to slam the door and flee down the stairs.  Harry's thought: "Do I come out of my hiding place or not?  I don't want her to be frightened even more." ...and then he said, softly and gently: "Sweetheart, I am here."  She hesitated, and then ran sobbing to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "Oh, you aren't a big bear at all.  You're my own dear Daddy!" ...and so He is. The evil one wants us to be terrified of Him so he tosses in subtle "buts" (I call them "B.B's": "Big Butts")   right smack in the middle of God's agape love verses.  Sometimes those "buts" come in the form of expectations placed upon believers that make the Lord look like a "bear".  The little cluster of Christians who introduced me to Christ simply loved me.  I felt safe for the first time in my life. ...and I decided to follow Jesus forever.

Dr. Ironside was one of our dear Ray Stedman's mentors. Ray travelled with him for an entire summer, soaking in Jesus-theology.  Years later when we were invited into our first ministry out of seminary to be Ray and Elaine's helpers,  Ted asked Ray what our job description would be. "Well, around here we try not to thwart the ministry of the Holy Spirit in each believer."  Ted: "That's IT?"  "Yes, Ted, that's IT!  The Holy Spirit will reveal to you what your gifts are.  Listen well and we will support you all the way." ...and they did. ...and there was fruit. ...fruit that remains to this day and throughout all of eternity.  In our first pastorate in Bakersfield a visitor asked my Ted: "How many ministers do you have on your staff?"  Ted's reply: "Well, someone told me we have about 900 or so coming through our doors now. They are all ministers of the Gospel." ...and with that the man walked away, scratching his head. ...but I believe I remember that he came back, came to Christ and he too, became a minister of the Gospel.

May your Thanksgiving be blessed, even though some may be missing from our dining tables.  Absent loved ones who know Him are feasting on Jesus. ...and how could anything be better than that, for Jesus isn't a big bear at all, but is our own dear Daddy!

Leaning, leaning, leaning on Jesus
Safe and secure from all alarms.
Leaning, leaning, leaning on Jesus
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms!

Love, Jo

He was hungry!

I nearly always close my garage door when I leave, but Saturday night as my Houston guests and I were headed into The Apple Shed for my monthly date to entertain the diners, I drove off and left it open.   At 8:30 we arrived home, I pulled my Honda pickup into the garage, ...and Omigosh! The garage refrigerator was on its face, freezer door flat against the floor,  plastic frozen food containers split open, smashed, chewed and scattered.  What a mess! Not one forkful of my beautiful peanut butter pie was anywhere to be found.  Somewhere in our Valley there is a brown bear lumbering around with whipped cream all over his face.  Pussn'Boots, their eyes glazed over and their furry ears at full tilt were inside and heard it all.  The refrigerator is back in its upright position and actually none the worse for the trauma it experienced.   Shutting my garage door has moved to the top of my to do list.

I love my Texas friends. We had a fabulous time.   The Thursday girls each spoke to Carole Lewis,  recently retired Founder of FirstPlace4Health and her daughter Lisa who continues with that life-changing ministry,  telling them what grace has come to mean to them.  All have been freed from Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism, and other bondages.  It was a high octane afternoon.  On Friday Michele took us to her favorite thrift shops in Tehachapi and Lancaster. The most expensive purchase was a classy London Fog rain coat in perfect condition for six dollars.  The costs of everything else we bought hovered around $2.99.  I may be hooked!  That night Lisa cooked a delicious dinner for us at Michele's house and some of the Thursday girls came to make it a party!  On Saturday by 7 A.M. a stream of visitors began to come to be with Carole and Lisa.  We left for The Apple Shed at 4 P. M. then capped off our day with a visit from a Hungry Bear.  I try to send away each guest with something they will never forget!  Sunday we had dinner on a farm with a precious family, then on home for a visit with a  well-known Christian writer who lives nearby.  Michele came to fetch our Houston friends to take them to LAX and for a couple of days I  wandered around  trying to gear down but it isn't easy after four days of fun. ...bear and all.

For hours each week I sit on the other side of my living room from people who come to me for discipleship.  You may call it "counseling" or "mentoring"  if you like.   If Jesus were not The Discipler/ Counselor/Mentor I wouldn't think of putting my foot in the dark waters that hide what Satan wants to keep hidden. Check out the blog entitled "The Iceberg".  Most couples marry (or don't) without a clue as to what is submerged beneath the waterline.  Ted and I were virgins when we married;  had we not been Satan would have had even more fuel for emotional distancing than he already had.  Without Jesus our personal Titanic could have sunk.  I have yet to meet one person who does not wish they had begun their marriage as virgins. Homosexuals?  Don't even go there with me.  The horrible effects of same sex sex are indescribable. The "tolerant" folk of our country are clueless because the evil one hides the truth beneath the waterline.

Today there doesn't seem to be any guilt, shame and blame about sleeping around before marriage, and for by-passing marriage all together. Don't you believe it!  People,  whether Christians or not do not get away without consequences when breaking God's laws. ...which are not just "suggestions".  Oh, dear ones, I don't know when Jesus is coming back to get us outta here. Nobody does. ...not even Jesus. Yeah Yeah Yeah.  I hear all the prophecies just like you do.  Why would we think we won't suffer famine and worse? Why would we think the visible church will not be forced underground as are millions of Christians in other countries?  Why would we think we will not have our heads chopped off or be burned at the stake if we do not denounce our faith in Christ?  Who do we think we are, anyway? ...God's only chosen people?

Please memorize all the scriptures you possibly can. You may not have a Bible in the future.  Please become dependent only upon the Lord and not upon your church staff or people like me.  I am steadily working myself out of a job as I am supposed to do.  The number of members of a Church does not signify that those members are infiltrating Satan's territory to bring the Lightning Rod Good News of the Gospel into the Black World of Bad News. The impressive budget for missions of a church does not mean that those who give to it are "in the world but not of it",  winning souls for Christ and discipling them themselves.  I just read this morning in Acts 1:9 through 11: "After He said this, He was taken up before their very eyes and a cloud hid him from their sight. They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. 'Men of Galilee,' they said, 'why do you stand here looking into the sky? That same Jesus, who has been taken from you into Heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into Heaven.' "  

Every heart with Christ is a missionary. Every heart without Christ is a mission field.  We can't stand around looking up and march at the same time. 

Onward Christian soldiers marching as to war
With the Cross of Jesus, going on before.

Love, Jo

Rants and Raves

There are so many things about which I could rant and rave in this blog. My life began in a family that did that. ...about everything.   My parents were not believers; therefore there was never any hope given.   I was a scared little girl.  I don't want to be a scared old girl.  I told you last week that my Ted's soul made decisions as a young boy when he did not have a vocabulary to express them.  So did mine. "When I grow up I will not be critical, cynical  or bitter."  I, like you have suffered many disappointments that could make me give in to being all three.

I married a gentle man whose muscles rippled as he pitched a hard ball toward the batters.  "Those muscles will protect me all my life."  ...but Ted's muscles could not protect us from the kinds of battles we would face separately and together.  "Now that we are Christians there won't be any more wicked people to deal with."  Note last week's blog:  The fox blends right into the very dog pack that is chasing him. Sadly, right smack in the middle of safe-appearing ministries.  "Our children will be as excited about winning souls as we are".   How could they be?  They did not come from utter darkness as did we.  I could rant and rave about the legal murder of fifty-five million babies since Roe vs. Wade.  I feel the rumbles of a rave coming on when it comes all over me that we Christians are the ones being forced to be tolerant toward militant Islam whose agenda is to kill us all, the infidels,  ...in the name of Allah.  We must not be openly angry that homosexuality is rampant. ...socially, legally and politically heralded as a God-given right.  Nor must we remonstrate about our school children being required to believe there is no God, the Bible is merely myths and evolution is fact.  I could rant and rave about pastors who tell millions of people that God wants them to be wealthy and happy. Oh, may the millions of starving people in other countries not have access to TV or the internet to hear such heresy.  I don't hear those sermons from faithful pastors in small churches and communities. Will the millions of professing Christians in this country come out of their mole holes where they huddle together, hearing the same message again and again and sitting on it as they give money in the offering plate to support an ever growing staff that does the work they should be doing themselves?  Could the church of the Lord Jesus Christ be powerful enough to stay the hand of God's judgment?  I seem to recall that God changed his mind about judging somebody 'way back there in the Old Testament.  Are we counting on a new balance of power in Washington to cause God to withhold His anger?

 "Our God is slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.  He will not always strive with us nor will He keep His anger forever."  Add to that warning:  "To whom much has been given, much is required". 

My long-time friend Nick at Round Top, Texas calls me a "stand-up woman".  Nick studies people and everything else that interests him.  Probably in my Irish genes are generations of stand-up women.  I guess God knew I would survive  after Ted left for Heaven so He left me here to carry on our assignment: to go and make disciples.  ...and then He took my son who left three children who need him so desperately.  I had lunch with gorgeous seventeen-year-old Madi Jane, his youngest, yesterday.  Madi and I talked about the wonderful Thanksgivings at Grandma and Grandpa's home when for years all fourteen of us gathered around our table and six grandchildren raced through this big house, playing "Ghosts in the Graveyard" and hide-and-seek outside with flashlights. Madi is still convinced that she and Lauren saw a mountain lion up on the hill where they were hiding.  ...and actually, they may have. 

Life on this earth is rife with losses. How do we bear those losses without bitterness against God and people? ...by disciplining our mind to bring every fear-based thought into captivity and "Rejoice in the Lord always; I will say it again: 'Rejoice'! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving,  present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers,  whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent, praiseworthy--think on such things". 

Paul reflects on his life on this earth this way: "But whatever things were gain to me those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. ...in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but rubbish in order that I might gain Christ."

I will keep on giving God's Word to a handful of woman and some men, expecting them to do something with it instead of piling on more doctrinal knowledge without legs on it.  I will keep on fighting against the evil one through God's infallible Word for couples and families who continue to come through my doors, my phone and my internet.   "Stand-up women"  have to be reminded by our gentle Jesus to let Him fight for us. Ted tapped into I Samuel 17:47 early on:  "...for the battle is the Lord's and He will give you into our hands."  There has never been any hope except in the Powerful Cross, the  Powerful Resurrection and the Powerful Word of God.  ...and there never will be. ...and that's just the way the Lord wants it. "Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit,",  saith the Lord.

There is power, power, wonder-working power in the blood of the Lamb
There is power, power, wonder-working power in the precious blood of the Lamb.


Love,  Jo

The Fox

Ted had a picture hanging over his desk that hangs over mine now. A pack of hunting dogs is racing to catch a fox. Right smack in the middle of the pack is the fox himself.  ....blending in.  The "fox" in our midst may be a twisted perception of God's true meaning of scripture as it personally applies to us.

Both Ted and I were emotionally bruised and battered 20-year olds when we came to Christ and entered immediately into ministry. We left our past behind.  Isn't that what scripture says to do?  I told you last week that finally the hurt from not really sharing emotional intimacy with my husband surfaced enough that dear friends insisted that we go to a counselor who worked only with missionaries, pastors and full-time workers who are so very practiced at masking our own pain. Those we serve cry so much louder that we cannot hear our own whimpers. ...and isn't there a scripture that tells us not to murmur? ...or whimper?   My "murmuring" leaked out in the form of sleeplessness and body pain from repressed anger.  The choices I had to make between ministry alongside my husband and staying home with our children emotionally tore at my soul.  I had to be Ted's helpmate, didn't I?  I was a musician by trade, was given the gift of hospitality and mercy and aren't we supposed to "stir up the gifts"?  I stirred them far too fervently when our children were growing up.

Our salary in our Bakersfield church could not possibly cover the college educations of three children.  This mama finally became angry when a missionary couple asked Ted for monies to pay their firstborn's college tuition and I did not have any money at all to send to our own firstborn. ...but whom could I tell? Some of my best friend's husbands were on our Board. We simply left,  leaving a congregation that probably felt abandoned.  Only a few years ago I found a letter Ted had written to the Board that he had written a year before we left that church, asking for a raise in pay.  I know in my heart that he never submitted it to them.  The brutality with which Ted was raised shut him down emotionally from the time he was barely a toddler.  He had no words for the pain, but his little soul made some decisions:  "When I grow up no one will speak of anything that is not positive; no one will know what I am really feeling; no child of mine will ever be hit or even spanked and no one will ever raise their voice in anger".   In later years he said to many: "I just forbade my wife, my family and myself to be real." 

I know that all three of our children will be in Heaven, and one already is. When Doug was an adolescent he said to his dad after Ted read to him the story of Abraham and Isaac:  "Daddy, I feel like Isaac."  For him to reveal his feelings must have meant that he felt more safety with us than neither Ted nor I felt with our parents,  but it still breaks my heart for my little boy as I write.  No wonder, as an adult he followed his dad to Texas, then back to California, then to Heaven.  Kindly do not take it upon yourself to preach me any sermons about what I just said.  I am a mother; we mothers do not always think rationally.

Years ago when I was the token woman speaker for the Torrey Conference at Biola/Talbot Seminary I barely got any sleep the entire week because of being sought out by the missionary's children who needed to talk and cry about being sent to a mission school that left them bereft of parents. I have counseled adults whose parents were with an oil company in foreign lands. They too were sent away from home for school at an early age. ...with heartbreaking consequences. ...and ever so many dads and moms put their careers ahead of parenting.  Oh, dear Lord,  may the children of such not be bitter against You.

Some of my Ted's most courageous acts ...and there were many,  were bravely speaking in front of crowds when he was  by nature so very shy.  Now that I am thinking about that more clearly I understand why he never grieved a minute about leaving our last two pastorates.  He was so at home in a small group and discipling individuals and couples. The Lord graced him by releasing him to do that.  He courageously went to a Christian counselor who took him below the water line  (Refer to last week's blog: "The Iceberg").  In his 50's he commuted for years to California to receive his Doctorate in Family Counseling.  He formed our own mission,  Family Life Resources, under which I continue to minister.  The greatest evidence of his courage was that his faith in Christ never failed. ...to the very end.

Dear readers, you have journeyed with me to my childhood on an east Kansas farm, to Billy Graham's school in Minneapolis, to Dallas Seminary, Palo Alto, California, Bakersfield, the Middle East, Africa, East and Southeast Asia, California, Houston, Texas and Bear Valley, and now beneath the waterline.  Will you continue to journey with me?  Our Lord, in His great mercy for two little kids like us who hid 90% of our real selves beneath the iceberg because we thought we were supposed to,  is faithful.  ...and have you noted that the Lord is very "economical"?  He uses everything for His ultimate glory.

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt
Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilt

GRACE, GRACE, GOD'S GRACE
GRACE THAT WILL PARDON AND CLEANSE WITHIN
GRACE, GRACE, GOD'S GRACE
GRACE THAT IS GREATER THAN ALL OUR SIN.

Love, Jo

The iceberg

Boy Howdy,  do I ever love my Texas friends!  How could I not?  I am treated like a visiting dignitary.  When we went to Houston in 1975 to minister, never could I have dreamed that God would build from a little bit of faith and an enormous amount of hard work and hard-earned money by Nick and Euphanel,  a Retreat where thousands come for a fresh drink of water.  Most weeks and on many weekends they host a different group of people who come for different reasons. ...but always for refreshment.  I too received refreshment.   I stay with Nick and Euphanel in their beautiful home and relish every minute of being with them and with the dear friends who show up to visit.  I sometimes attend the meetings of FirstPlace4Health whose retreat coincides with my visit and board meeting with the Goads.  It is very nice not to be in charge of anything at all.  Michele, my dear friend that lives about ten minutes from me here in Bear Valley is a four-year veteran of Wellnesss Week with FirstPlace4Health.  She now leads worship and Bible studies for women who come from many states.  What a joy for the women,  Nick and Euphanel and for me who all love her so much.  I read in scripture that the early disciples returned to the ministries they began, in order to encourage and receive encouragement to keep on keeping on.  I came back home from Texas to head right into "keeping on" with discipling.  Some call it "counseling".  Some call it "mentoring".  Some call it "hogwash".  I don't hang around Christians who don't understand the meaning of the word "discipleship".

Ted and I were never personally "discipled",  even though Ted studied Greek, Hebrew,  homiletics and ministry skills for eight years.   Both of us came from parents who were emotionally and spiritually deprived.  They could not give us what they did not have.  We took the empty places in our souls into our marriage.  Usually a wife expresses our emotional needs first.  Even gentle, kind men like Ted have well-guarded emotions.  He had to, from the time he was a very small little boy.  You may remember that the one who personally threw me a "rope of hope" was the world's most well-known evangelist in history who was gone from home most of the time.  I expected nothing more of my Ted who worked forty hours a week and carried eighteen units in school for all eight years of training for ministry.  I worked as a secretary and as a musician while doing my best to cover the parental needs of our two boys. ...then we hit the ministry running, our baby girl was born,  and we continued to run, and run, and run.  Eventually my pain surfaced in the form of leaking-out anger, exhaustion, then dark depression.  Euphanel and Nick,  new Christians themselves offered the very large amount of money required for us to seek out a counselor that ministered only to missionaries and pastors. ...and so we went to Lewis McBurney in Marble, Colorado who said to my Ted,  "I don't want to hear anything about your ministry. When are you going to make your marriage your ministry?"  Also with Dr. Mc Burney that week were a missionary couple from India and a pastoral couple from Wichita, Kansas.  All of us were totally committed to the Lord and to ministry, but there was emotional distance between all three middle-aged husbands and wives.  Lewis worked hard and long with all of us in order to break through the twisted perceptions of passages such as Romans 12:1 and 2.

Our ministries have always drawn the lost and the hurting.  ... predictably.  There was so much new fruit from our ministries that the emotional deprivation we continued to endure was buried beneath the joy of giving birth to so many spiritual children.  ...but hidden below the water line was most of the iceberg, waiting to sink our passion-for-the--needs- of- people ship.  I did not understand in my soul that Jesus came to serve me, even though my mind had memorized the scriptures that told me so. I honestly believed I was here only to serve Ted, my family and everybody on the Planet.  I read and taught about Jesus' washing the disciple's feet, but it never occurred to me that He came to wash my feet, and I certainly did not expect my Ted who had so many other feet to wash to wash mine.  We had completely given ourselves to the Lord to be "living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to the Lord.";  however  the "pattern of the world"   blocked our being able to "test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will".   That "worldly pattern" is headed up by Satan himself who is relentlessly destroying the marriages, families and health of sincere full-time workers.  ...and he uses whatever he knows is hiding beneath the waterline.  He watched it go in.  God's will is always for us to be free of hidden bondage that hides in the generations and twists scripture.  Satan did it with Jesus. Why would we think he doesn't do it with us?  The sweetest gift God could give us was to remove us from the last two of our three pastorates and give us freedom to "go and make disciples" of people who want to be disciples.  The unbelievable pressure put upon pastors, especially in today's world of terribly broken people is beyond human endurance.  Add to that having to "make nice" with ego-driven board members, the agonizing cries that accompany the birthing and the dying of the sheep,  and meetings and more meetings. ...many of which seem so redundant.

Our oldest son Doug is in Heaven with his dad that he loved so much that he followed us all the way to Texas and back to California.  I know in my heart why he did that. The comfort I receive as I miss them both so much is that I know they are together at the feet of Jesus where all is understood and forgiven.  ..but the tears of loss are streaming as I write and I will not stop them until they are fully shed. ...for today.  I am so proud of our two remaining children and their spouses. All four reach out to so many hurting people but they diligently guard their marriages and their homes.

..so what is true "discipleship" anyway?  Discipleship is caring about each other and subsequently the Body of Christ enough to journey alongside them as the Holy Spirit reveals to them the pain that is hiding beneath the surface of the water.   No one should have to take that journey alone. ...not even pastors and missionaries.

I am thinking of Paul:  once a murderer,  probably even members of his own family.  Was he married?  He had to have been to be a member of the Sanhedrin.  Did his wife divorce him or did she die from lack of emotional closeness to Paul, her husband?  Where was she? Why isn't she mentioned?   As I read the tender words Paul writes to his beloved disciples I know with surety that Paul was "transformed by the renewing of his mind" as he took the journey to his once-dead soul that in turn murdered so many others. Was all of this his "thorn in the flesh"?  We do not know, but soon, perhaps we will.

Matthew tells us in his book: "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks".  All of these writers of scripture were "transformed by the renewing of their minds",  perhaps even as they penned the words the Holy Spirit gave them.

Just a couple of lines of our beloved hymn come to mind right now:

...then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
HOW GREAT THOU ART; HOW GREAT THOU ART!

Love,

Jo