After graduation I felt stuck on a farm with exhausted parents. My kind, quiet grandma was gone. I felt so ashamed after she died because I had resented her illness that took all of my mother's energy. Guilt about my feelings had much to do with my coming to Christ five years after Grandma died. I did not know where she went, for it was never discussed. I believe that she will be waiting in Heaven at the Gate. I walked the country roads and pastures around our farm, cried and felt hopeless. Finally my dad gave me $200 to attend a business school in the small city of Salina. I lived for a few months in a home with a young couple and their child. The husband attempted to come onto me when his pregnant wife wasn't looking. I fled and told no one. I moved to another home where I had a room but did not feel welcome in the rest of the house. I got a job in a radio station that trained announcers from other parts of the country. I dated these older fellows. I did not know Jesus yet, but He protected me. Besides, we had a moral code then that checked me from crossing a line. (Whatever happened to that "line"?) All this time I was "longing to belong". I graduated in a year and landed a secretarial job in the athletic department of Kansas State College. Just as in elementary and high school, I still felt that I was on the outside, looking in at the kids who "belonged". It's a terrible feeling, and probably the reason I look to the periphery of gatherings, leave the clusters of people and head for the one person who stands alone.
Go with me, if you will, back to my mother who had fled from the farm and the church and married my witty, handsome, dancing dad. Grandfather Harlan died. My town-born dad took over the farm. My mother was miserable. My dad began to drink. I signed on to make my mother happy. Does any of this story strike a familiar chord with anybody out there?
...back for a moment to one part of my childhood that was wonderful. My parents, my brothers and I were all natural dancers, played an instrument and sang. My brother Bob, a drummer and I played swing, jazz and the blues. We sang around the piano as Mother played all the popular tunes of the day. She could not, however "play by ear". Every tune I ever heard somehow gets lodged in my head and comes out through my fingers. "Stick to the notes!" Mother would call from the kitchen. I managed to "stick to the notes" all the years I played in our outstanding Symphony Orchestra. Our Maestro would tolerate no messing around with the hallowed Classics.
This story really is going somewhere. Years later, after becoming a Christian and being invited by a young Billy Graham to become a student at Northwestern Bible College in Minneapolis, Minnesota the dour-faced registrar required that I sign an agreement not to dance, declaring that "It is a sexual activity that God would never condone!" I sure hope she's wrong about that! I can hardly wait to dance in Heaven. Yippee!
My boyfriend Ted joined me in Bible College after mustering out of the Navy and becoming a Christian. I lined him up to room with the good lookin', zoot-suiter, talented school quartet who travelled and recruited students for a school that was financially in trouble. After one night with them my new Christian boyfriend quietly told me, "I will be finding another place to room." "Why?" "Uhhh, I knocked every one of those guys up against the wall during the night. They're homosexuals!" I didn't know what that meant so Ted explained it to me, insisting that we not "make waves", which was my husband's preferred modus operandi. There were times when I made enough "waves" for both of us and this was one of those times. I burst into the office of the Dean and shot off my yet-unbridled Irish tongue. The Dean went into shock, fearful that if this news leaked out the remaining supporters of the school would withdraw their contributions. He didn't want to deal with it, but called the fellows in, hoping they would tell him it wasn't true. It was. Before the day was over they were expelled. Ted and I, in training to become workers for Christ had just been introduced to the inevitable cost when biblical integrity is uncompromised. It would not be the last time during our many years in ministry. I doubt if Billy Graham ever heard a word about it. I hope not. The dear young man had just launched his Crusades that continue through Satellite to reach millions of lost people around the world. He is nearly blind, waiting in his North Carolina mountain home for his summons to Heaven .
I believe the "Flaw in The Law" can be summed up in this story. "Lists" of No No's invite ridiculous inconsistencies. The list that we Northwestern students were pressed to endorse gave license to whatever wasn't on The List. Yes, God gave us a "list" of Ten Laws, knowing that none of us could keep them. He had a Plan that trumped The Law: HIS SACRIFICIAL LOVE ON THE CROSS. What a comfort and admonition is the scripture: "It is the kindness of God that brings us to repentance."
Christians can be so constipated about giving life-giving words to one another. Jesus certainly showered us with lots of 'em. Who or what is blocking you from hearing them? Hebrews 12:1 tells us to "cut 'em off" so we can "finish (unhampered) the race that is set before us".
OLD HYMN: WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE
Sing them over again to me; WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE
Let me more of their beauty see: WONDERFUL WORDS of LIFE!
Words of life and beauty teach me faith and duty.
BEAUTIFUL WORDS; WONDERFUL WORDS;
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE.
BEAUTIFUL WORDS, WONDERFUL WORDS;
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE!
Sweetly echos the Gospel call;
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE
Offer pardon and peace to all;
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE.
BEAUTIFUL WORDS; WONDERFUL WORDS.
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE.
BEAUTIFUL WORDS; WONDERFUL WORDS.
WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE!
Love, Jo