Thursday, October 31, 2013

Role exits

Somewhat embarrassing is my need for words that tell me I still have a purpose here on earth.  Since I don't hang around the elderly, I don't know if this is normal or if I am a "Tell-me-I'm-needed" junkie.  I think back to the years when my parents came to Palo Alto, California to live after they were 70 years old. I know now that I did not verbally give them the loving, reassuring, grateful words they deserved. Ted and I met their spiritual and physical needs, but their emotional needs? Nope. ...but then we weren't even addressing our own or our kids' emotional needs at that time in our lives. Our children all paid a terrible price for our constant attendance to the louder bleating cries of the sheep in our various pastures.  It's a wonder any of our kids want to go to Heaven, lest Jesus ask them to "Take a number and have a seat in the waiting room".

I am aware that I am experiencing a series of losses and role-exits that are affecting every aspect of my life. I fight a frequent battle against settling into a "until death do us part" mindset since Ted and Doug are gone. Coming back through the gate into Bear Valley after being treated like the "Velveteen Rabbit" in Texas was hard. It always hits me square in the heart: Ted isn't here and neither is Doug.

Eighty-five is just weeks away. No wonder I have days when I simply want to stay under the warm covers, sleep, read and watch the best of soul-stretching programs like Ravi Zacharias on National Religious Broadcasting. I carefully avoid the embarrassing screaming nut-cases that are on some other Christian stations. I still love a mystery. Jessica Fletcher, where did you go? I think half the population of Cabot Cove was murdered so you had to hang up your show for lack of people to have knocked off.  I have watched every Matlock mystery at least once, even though I know I will be viewing at least one bloody body. I wonder: Is Andy Griffith in Heaven?  He was brought up in an old fashioned fire and brimstone church somewhere in the Bible Belt.  He often managed to get an old gospel song woven into his scripts, but then some sexual innuendoes slipped in toward the end of his life. Maybe his money-conscious producers insisted. I so hope that this upcoming generation of talented Christian kids will do something about producing high level movies and plays. Those two boys from a southern state that produced "Fireproof" and "Courageous" did a great job on a shoestring.

I have three assignments made clear by my Lord: 1) continue the blog. It encourages readers, I have recently been told. The personal benefit for me is this: Life review enables me to recall the past which provides a drug-free anti-depressant.  2) Disciple those He brings over the phone and through my door and 3) encourage by phone and Email the saints accumulated over a lifetime of ministry. Many are losing spouses. One dear man has just lost his third wife. Some are dying with cancer or from a stroke; others are losing their physical and mental health. My physical health is good, I think. I will find out tomorrow after a thorough check-up. I would just as soon not know any specifics about my brain.

Would you be O.K. with another old "Heaven song?" My generation used to sing them, but this generation? Well, I'm not at all sure what their music is about, but I'm not ready to give up on trying to be cool.

TOE-TAPPIN'  OLD GOSPEL HYMN

Let us labor for the Master from the dawn till setting sun
Let us talk of all His wondrous love and care
Then when all of life is over and our work on earth is done
And the role is called up yonder, I'll be there.

WHEN THE ROLE IS CALLED UP YONDER
WHEN THE ROLE IS CALLED UP YONDER
WHEN THE ROLE IS CALLED UP YONDER
WHEN THE ROLE IS CALLED UP YONDER, I'LL BE THERE!

Love,
Jo

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