Saturday, January 19, 2013

Tests and temptations

My family has meant so much to me. There were five of us. Spiritually orphaned from my home of origin, Ted and my three children were, it seemed "all I had". Their approval  or disapproval of me as wife, mother, then mother-in-law and grandmother often defined me.  In a little book by Eric and Leslie Ludy ("When God Writes Your Life Story"), I read this: "If the praise of others elates me, or if the blame of others depresses me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." That really smacked me hard, but God's "smacks" always hit me hard. He doesn't mean for them to flatten me to the ground, but only to bring me to my knees in humility before Him.

One of the tests of being old is not "thinking more highly  of myself than I ought to think" (Romans 12:3).  I am becoming more careful about giving counsel and advice. I guard myself, lest as I come alongside people in Christian leadership I do not give guidance that is not asked for. I am sobered to the point of Holy Fear as I teach His mighty, powerful Word, lest I give my opinions rather than simply teach what God says and leave it to the Holy Spirit to guide His students into all Truth. (If you want to check out that stunning promise, it's in John 16:13.) The temptation of a teacher/discipler is that we will set ourselves up to be worshipped out of our desperate neediness for approval.

As humans age,  our losses increase. The "gains" usually happen in the first segment of our earthly lives, then children leave, our bodies remind us that we are but temporal as pain and sicknesses set in, bones weaken, we become bent with sorrow, our minds flag a little or a lot,  family and friends move or die, governments fail, heros fall from their pedestals, job assignments change and depression threatens to lure us into a dark valley.  Need I continue this litany of reality that is inevitable in our predicament as fallen, yet reborn children of the Most High God?

Many of the young people God puts in my life are suffering terribly because of the divorce or death of their parents.  When I was their age, no one but my family knew that my parents would have divorced had either of them had a place to go. Alcohol had stolen whatever trust my mother had for my father. I was terrified, but I couldn't tell anybody. My grandmother had died when I was fourteen. She was the feeble, flickering light of Jesus in our home; then the darkness set in. My parents did not have Jesus to heal their pain so somehow I felt that I was assigned that responsibility.  I did not understand anything about God, I could not understand my parents' pain and most certainly I did not understand myself. As I am reading Job's biography, I am thinking that was the pitiful condition of his three "friends". They didn't know diddly themselves, but after seven days of sitting in the dirt with Job and saying nothing, they couldn't stifle their mouths any longer.   If they had done so, Job would have come to the conclusion that finally delivered him from Satan's temptation to believe that God is not a good God. His three friends added nothing whatsoever to his understanding God or himself, but only frustrated him until he became angry.  Finally Job saw himself as he really was: a man talking without knowledge. He concludes:"  I have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes" (Job 42:4-6).

...and we ask ourselves, "Why would God give permission to Satan to tempt Job when he was "blameless and upright, he feared God and shunned evil" ? I must remind myself that God cannot tempt us, His children, to do evil, but he tests us that we might be as gold---not even silver, but gold!  Check out that promise in Job 23:10.

For awhile, I did not think I could survive the loss of both Ted and my son, Doug, within months of each other.  Don't give me any credit for running to God through His Word. I had nowhere else to go. My remaining family cannot heal me for they are grieving the losses themselves. I am rich with friends and not one of them is like Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar. They cannot help me heal, but they love me, quietly and faithfully pray for me and allow me to process my grief without giving me advice. These are true friends who have probably wanted to throttle me at times as my "processing" has become tedious for them.

Will there be more losses before I am carried by my Jesus through the Gate to be with my Father forever? Oh, yes. Every day there is another loss of some kind. If I keep my mind disciplined, I will note with praise the "gains" as new members of my family are being added, new disciples are being sent to me by my Lord, new wisdom and understanding are being given me. I am entering into the marvelous promise in II Corinthians 4:16-18. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Note that I used the word "entering" rather than the words "have entered", for I am in the process of understanding and believing His promises that will carry me for the rest of my life on Earth.

                                     HYMN OF THE WEEK: THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT JESUS
(                                    (This is not a well known hymn. I found it in an ancient hymnal.)

The more I learn about Jesus, the more I know He loves me
His love is greater and stronger than human love can be
The more I live in His presence, the more His trueness appears
The more I'm learning to trust Him, through all the changing years. Amen

Love, Jo

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