Thursday, December 29, 2016

From my cousin in Kansas:

A grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. He asked her: "What do you think about the shootings at schools, the computer age and things in general?"

She replied: "Well, let me think a minute: I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Men had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon. Your Grandfather and I got married first. ...and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25 I still called policemen and every man with a title,  "Sir". We were before gay-righs, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibilty for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege, living in this country was an even bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent togeher in the evenings and weekends; not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt or guys wearing earrings. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the Presidents speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with "Made in Japan'" on it, it was junk. The term "making out" referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 and 10 cent stores where you actually could buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were a nickel. If you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardward store and "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generaion to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

So how old do you think I am?  I'll  bet you have this old lady in mind.  You are in for a shock. This is scary and sad. Are you ready???? This woman would be 61 years old!