PONDERINGS

It has taken over eight decades for me to be content with living one day at a time, rather than letting several days eat me up at once. My grandmother and my mother had strokes. They passed down to me their relentless drive to accomplish more than is humanly possible in one day.  There isn't a whit of  phlegmatic in me.  I am basically choleric/melancholy which balances out rather well when I remember to check which one is spinning out of control. The melancholy side of me must have writing, studying, teaching, the out-of-doors with plenty of time to pray and ponder.  The choleric side of me must put all of that into action by teaching, counseling, entertaining,  music, communicating  or doing something I consider productive.  For sixty-some years Ted tried to teach me to pace myself.  He couldn't.  Since he is gone, II Thessalonians 4:17 is "pacing" me;  ... instructing me to  "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work with your hands".  On the surface it sounds so right, ...but so boring. ...and scary.  I might find myself without a project, for Pete's sake,  and then I might feel worthless, lonely, depressed, weepy and fool myself into believing I was never bored when Ted was alive.  If I flee from being quiet out of fear, then Jesus is edged out of surprising me. ...and He loves to surprise us.

I think Jesus chose all of the basic personalities to be his followers.   None of them had been indwelt by the Holy Spirit yet,  so their old sin natures remained unchecked.   Later, we get a short report about the distancing and later reconciliation between Paul and Mark, but we are left pretty much to our own imaginations about what went on among all these guys before the Cross and Resurrection as they walked, talked, ministered, ate,  served, prayed, healed, sweat, fished, argued, strategized and slept together day and night for well over three years.  Unwelcome memories of their along-the-trail disputes may have provided them extraordinary patience as they put up with the bickering and murmuring that is inevitable when a church comes together.  Not only the men locked horns, but the women squabbled.  I chuckle about Paul 's calling in the troops to tell "Odious" and "Soon-Touchy" in Philippians 4:2 to "knock it off and just get along!"  ...Right!   ...then there's Martha's whining to Jesus about her sister, Mary.  Let's don't even think about the jealousies that went on with the musicians! ...and the choosing of elders?   Everyone was a new believer, so right there, the biblical qualifications for an elder were but a distant dream for the Apostles.  I know that I am writing like a recovering pastor's wife. ...which I am.

That four-year-old little guy,  "Coleman",  in the new movie,  "Heaven is for Real" was right on.  My Ted and his younger brother Art, both of whose lives on this earth ended with a brain tumor, were not imaginative in the least, but both saw heavenly beings while they lay waiting for that Sweet Chariot that was Comin' for to Carry Them Home.

We're still here,  my brothers and sisters, so let's give away all He has given us, which is pretty much everything we ever really needed.

                                             GIVE THEM ALL TO JESUS

Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning 'round and 'round?
Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down

He never said we'd only see sunshine;
He never said there would be no rain.
He only promised a heart full of singing
At the very things that once brought pain.

GIVE THEM ALL; GIVE THEM ALL; GIVE THEM ALL TO JESUS
SHATTERED DREAMS, WOUNDED HEARTS, BROKEN TOYS
GIVE THEM ALL; GIVE THEM ALL; GIVE THEM ALL TO JESUS
AND HE WILL TURN YOUR SORROWS INTO JOY

Love, Jo