Friends,
I have had my daily cry, holding Ted’s picture, looking into his warm, loving eyes, and kissing him. Silly, you say?
I cry a lot over many things. As I left the teenagers last night (eight or nine of them) after studying John 19, leaving off with the words, “It is finished!”, I cried all the way home. I cannot fathom, after all these many years of knowing Him, that He willingly gave His life that I might never die. After I have my grieving cry each day over Ted’s not being here with me, the Spirit transports me sometimes into a glimpse of Heaven and I rejoice that Ted is there, and not here on this Satan-saturated Planet. Several times, over Thanksgiving, son Jeff breathed the words, “Dad’s was a life well lived!” Oh, how true. How very true! I look up the hill at my giant oak under which both sons were married and all but one grandchild was dedicated to Christ and now Ted’s headstone and ashes rest, and I choke. There is an enormous buck with gigantic antlers that sometimes is lying on the granite rocks that surround the headstone. I have never seen a more muscular buck in the 26 years we have lived in this haven/home. ...a sign from my Father? Perhaps. He looks straight at me, slowly rising to his feet, taking his time to begin his ascent to higher ground. That was Ted. Slow to speak, seemingly slow to move, unless you looked at the evidence that demands a verdict. ...so many ministries he pioneered, trusting those he discipled to take them to the next level. Many of those he discipled are with Jesus and him in Heaven now, and another he discipled will be gathered into the arms of Jesus very soon and taken there.
Tonight I will play harpsichord and organ for “Messiah”, a two-hour concert that is becoming more challenging for me to play each year. ...but what magnificent music! Surely Handel is in Heaven. Oh, how I hope so. Tomorrow night I play my monthly music at the Apple Shed; Sunday morning, I will help Andy, our dear pastor, close out both services with a congregational hymn which the people seem to welcome, then Sunday afternoon I will speak for a Hospice fund-raiser. That wondrous organization came sweeping in during the last months of Ted’s life here on earth and oh how we needed them for we were growing so tired. We had no idea that Doug was riddled through and through with cancer as he tended to his dad’s needs. Dee was here every day several times, tenderly caring for her Daddy; Brent was here when he could be, weeping as he moved Ted and did the necessary caregiving; Jeff came every other weekend from Sacramento. I don’t know that any of us has recovered, even physically. Doug, in Heaven, gets the best deal. I wonder...Oh, I wonder so much and understand so little.
The Lord sends me a new woman nearly every week to disciple. Most would not fit in a ladie’s church Bible study and I have no explanation for that either. ...but I trust Him, and I love Him, and I don’t want to do anything but serve Him every day of what is left of my life on earth. I will be 83 on December 14. I have a more or less living brother in Kansas who is 92, so don’t plan my memorial service just yet I am so gratefrul for His Great Grace! ...Grace that is greater than all our sin!
Jo