Kneading

During the 60's I waged a war against the evil one's goal to lure wives and mothers into the market place for their fulfillment.  I was ridiculed by some of my Christian women friends for writing a little book on the Proverbs 31 woman, and teaching married women that being a wife and mother is our highest calling.  Now 66 % of wives and mothers work in the market place while frantically trying to be a wife and mother. The divorce rate for Christians is above that of the world's. When the full impact of that reality hit Ted and me in Houston, God mercifully removed us from a pastorate in order to go to work to salvage marriages...our own included. Ours was a marriage made in Heaven, but sometimes it didn't feel that way.  Our emotional deprivation was enormous but we did not know that.  We did not know we even had the privilege of having emotional needs. We took all of those unmet needs into our marriage at 21 years of age. Our first son was born ten months to the day after we were married. Our next son was born five years later, and our daughter, five years after him. None of our children got the best pieces of us. Ministry to others consumed us.

This morning as I was attempting to read Sarah Young's devotional, "Jesus Calling" Bootsie, one of my matched kitties climbed up on my chest.  I cuddled him close, he purred, began to knead and then jumped down, secure and ready to go hunt gophers.  I know that many times I ignored my three children's needs for kneading.   How I wish I could go back and stomp out my need to have a perfectly spotless house and spotless children.  ...but I can't.  I must leave that regret at the Cross.  I am in the process of doing that, but I am not quite there yet. When we are a little kid we don't have a language to express our deep soul needs,  but our little souls have their own language and will get those needs met in a holy or an unholy way.

Dionne Warwick sang about that when modern music still had a melody:

"What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love"
That's the only thing that there's just too little of.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love;
No, not just for some, but for everyone.
Lord, we don't need another mountain; we've hillsides enough to climb.
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross; enough to last 'til the end of time.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
That's the only thing that there's just too little of.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
Not just for some, but for everyone.

That's the Gospel, but I must add this:  The word love without felt sacrifice is incomplete. Jesus sacrificed for us. Unless some human being sacrifices for us Jesus' love for us is in question at our soul level. We love Him because He first loved us. Do I fully understand why He washed Peter's feet?  No, and neither does anybody else because God is love and we aren't. I don't have the capacity within myself to even believe what I just wrote. Somewhere in there my will is involved, but if you think I am going to get into that discussion, forget it because that conversation can be a deal breaker between Christians.  I avoid those like I avoid Christians who think they've got God all figured out. I am 86 years old, and I am just beginning to figure some things out about God. This I know:  He is a jealous God and He will do whatever He has to do to remove anyone and everything from us that hinders our "fixing our eyes (only) upon Him". 

The Lord sends me needy people all the time. One of my stresses is when to press them into fixing their eyes only upon Jesus and not upon me. It is tempting to hang on to them too long to get my own needs met since nobody in my family needs me any more except to pray for them. Ah, the war with my flesh, the world and the devil will never end until I take my last breath. I am happy for my Ted that his wars are over, but I am sad for me.  I can live victoriously with feeling sad but it is not possible to live in peace with God or anybody else with bitterness.

I will be having fun entertaining from my keyboard at the Mulligan Room at 5 o'clock on June 13. Come, sing and listen if you want to.  I will call in a gate pass if you need it.

Hebrews 12:2:  "Let us fix our eyes (only) on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith". 

Love,  Jo